Marriage Equality: A Family Tradition

My husband John and I are newlyweds after 21 years together – happily married since our wedding this June. Exchanging vows surrounded by our family and friends was one of the happiest moments of our lives. Having my parents witness a second generation in our family attain the freedom to marry was especially meaningful, because of their experiences as an interracial couple.

My mother, who is Chinese American, was only able to marry my father, who is English and Irish, because the California Supreme Court 60 years ago became the first state supreme court in the nation to overturn a ban on interracial couples marrying. My mother still remembers the day when one of her friends in the Chinese Students Club at U.C. Berkeley had to leave the state to marry her white fiancee a few years before the Court’s decision. My mom's friend literally had to run from the law to marry the person she loved, simply because they were of different races.

In its historic 1948 decision, Perez v. Sharp, the California Supreme Court held that each citizen’s fundamental constitutional right to marry was really no right at all, unless it meant the freedom to “marry the person of one’s choice.” My parents married in the International House at Berkeley, the very same place they'd met. But as they moved to other states, they found that each state’s laws treated their marriage differently simply because of their races. While looking for a house in Missouri, they learned that Missouri law prohibited marriage between whites and “negroes” or “Mongolians,” the term then used for most Asian Americans.

When I was growing up, my parents didn't discuss these discriminatory laws over the dinner table. But it wasn’t until 1967 that the US Supreme Court overturned all such laws nationwide in the landmark Loving v. Virginia case. The court declared marriage is one of the “basic rights of man.”

Last year, my mother, John, and I flew to Washington, DC together as a family for events commemorating the 40th anniversary of the Loving decision. My mother spoke out at the Capitol for the rights of all loving couples to wed, including her own son and son-in-law. Mildred Loving, who brought the historic lawsuit before the United States Supreme Court, stated that “I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry.” Later last year, our parents and over 30 family and friends joined me and John in the San Francisco Gay Pride Parade. I have never been so proud of my family.

Over 60 Asian Pacific American organizations supported the lawsuit for marriage equality decided on May 15 by the California Supreme Court. The Japanese American Citizens League, Asian Pacific Islander Legal Outreach, and the Asian Pacific American Legal Center are just a few of the groups that submitted an eloquent amicus brief supporting the freedom to marry, with lead author Kevin Fong, appellate specialist with Pillsbury Winthrop Shaw Pittman.

“The Asian Pacific American organizations and Bar Associations involved felt it important to submit this amicus brief to unearth and bring to light some of the historical examples of California's exclusionary laws to remind the Court of the negative and real harms that these unfair laws have had on the impacted communities,” said Fong. “The Asian Pacific American communities suffered from the legalization of popular prejudices of yesterday that can clearly be seen as Constitutionally unconscionable today. The Court must ensure that popular prejudice does not cloud Constitutional principles that apply equally to all people. We hope the brief will help provide support for ensuring that it is the American tradition of inclusion and rightly past legal wrongs that prevails in this case.”

“Marriage is an important necessary step for an excluded group to integrate fully into society and such integration is essential for an excluded group to achieve security within the larger society,” added Fong.

Getting legally married this June, surrounded by our family and friends, was a dream come true. As we exchanged vows and were pronounced spouses for life, we felt that for the first time in our lives that our government was treating us equally under the law, and treating our relationship with full dignity and respect. The day was so transformative that we have committed to do everything we can to secure the freedom to marry permanently.

Just as the California Supreme Court said over 60 years ago with my parents’ generation, my fundamental constitutional right to marry really means nothing to me if I can’t marry the person I choose. Today, barring interracial couples such as my mom and dad from marriage would be unthinkable. John and I, and both our families, believe that someday soon all loving couples will have the freedom to marry.